“Resentment”, “Criticism”, “Guilt” & “Fear” – KEEP THEM AT BAY
Human beings are destined to grapple with life’s problems. The range of problems is vast, their complexities varying from individual to individual. With neither discrimination nor any standardisation; the mighty nature remains a mute witness to the show. Look around yourself; everyone is exposed to this phenomenon. If only one would know, what causes problems; probably the solutions could be at hand. Social scientists have given through this issue for ages. After extensive research, they have honed-on to the undermentioned “4 Ills” which are responsible for human miseries. Louise-L-Hay; the renowned metaphysical motivator (author of the iconic book “YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE” – translated into 25 different languages in 33 countries) says on the subject:
- Guilt & · Fear
They cause more problems than anything else. One must try hard to keep them at bay. Neither one should inflict them on others, nor be the victim. Let us elaborate:
RESENTMENT: It is human nature to blame others for one’s own lapses. Everyone wishes to come clean when a “fault-fixing” exercise is on. Is it the streak of in-built cowardice which makes a person tilt towards manipulations? If one is innocent and labelled guilty; he/she will sulk and suffer from bouts of resentment. Since, not a fair deal – the one who has inflicted ‘injury’, too will suffer by living in regrets. After all, resentment is a two-way street. Both parties suffer equally.
The best way to deal with a grudge is not to find a scapegoat. Accept slippage(s) and get on the job to find an amicable solution. Do not allow escapism to dictate your conscience.
CRITICISM: There is nothing wrong with criticism provided it is done objectively. It is easy to criticize than to repair its consequences.
Our students may recall, in the aviation world, we have the term “CABIN FEVER”. It means, one is dissatisfied; he/she is restless, easily irritable and bored beyond redemption.
Such situations are common in our lives. Treat them as trivials. They are not like “Black Swans” – the ones which are unexpected and have wide-ranging impacts
In fact, such a phase too will pass!! Keep your cool. Remaining calm and non-critical; yet staying vigilant is the key to working one’s way through any
There is an axis of “good behaviour” in return for “bad behaviour’. Good behaviour in return for bad behaviour touches the conscience of others. It is difficult to go against conscience
American President ABRAHAM LINCOLN’s life-story “WITH MALICE TOWARDS NONE” – His biographer Stephen Boates gives a detailed account of his set-backs in his long political career. LINCOLN accepted them in their stride and never criticized anyone. This saved him from self-anguish and unwanted hurt to others. No wonders “Lincoln’s ability to stand up to stronger advertises earned him the aura of a hero out of an epic poem.”
As the wise counsel says – in your work-life, never indulge in an unhealthy and unsavoury criticism. It remains embedded in the sub-conscience of the individual(s). It is neither forgiven nor forgotten. Its life-span is very long. Avoid criticizing lest it results in cold-shouldering. And says Clemenceau “There is nothing harder for the “Human Spirit” to bear than being cold-shouldered”
GUILT: The Random House Dictionary defines “GUILT”, “as the feeling of responsibility for some real or imaginary offence”.
Remaining under the constant shadow of guilt can cause a person partial amnesia – it can rob him/ her of peace and equanimity.Individuals struck with guilt-feelings become ‘numb’ with loss of capacity for anticipation. In extreme cases, they may turn a blind eye to the forthcoming challenge and prefer to lie low than to “face” it.
Once awakened from the slumber they realise that the hybernation has hurt them in terms of “missed opportunities”. Too late to mend the fences; they feel guilty of the poor show enacted by
FEAR: Former senior diplomat Sh. K. Natwar Singh once wrote about fear, “No fear is worse than the fear of the unknown; the fear of nature’s forces, which man can neither channel nor comprehend”.
True! But we live in an age of duality; I would rather say “Do not fear the winds of adversity; the kite rises against the wind – rather than